Review: Rumble Fish (1983), or "How douchey is Francis Ford Coppola?"

Here's my review of Rumble Fish. Let's just say in the nicest way possible that this movie sucked something awful.

First off, the trailer:

I wish I could give you a clear plot summary for this film, but, unfortunately things need to, like, happen for their to be a plot.

In a nutshell, Matt Dillion (what happened to him, by the way?) plays Rusty James, a teenage misanthrope leader of the local gang. A quick aside, if you were ever crazy enough to watch this movie and wanted to spice it up, play a drinking game where you drink every time someone calls him by his full name "Rusty James". If you make it 5 minutes, you are a tank. His brother, "The Motorcycle Kid," (yes, that is the only name given to him), returns to town and... uh... things happen, I guess?

It's shot almost exclusively in black-and-white, except for the Asian fighting fish in the local pet store that the Motorcycle Kid likes to watch swim (the titular "Rumble Fish") and one other shot in the film. There's a lot of work with shadows and wind and other effects. One thing to notice is that there is a clock somewhere in every scene of this movie. All in all, it has a very film festival feel to it.

And it totally sucked.

Francis Ford Coppola, our intrepid director for this putrid production, called it "an art house movie for teenagers." First off, that's bullshit. Pulp Fiction, or really any Quentin Tarantino movie, would fit that bill. Additionally, as bad as it is, Zach Snyder's recent Sucker Punch comes much closer to that description. (I know, I'll get some flack for that comment. In fact, I saw Sucker Punch in theaters and, say what you will about it, I had more conversations about that film than any other this year). Black and white, no plot, boring one-dimensional characters and a lot of shots of shadows aren't what kids these days, or in 1983, thought was interesting.

In fact, it makes me really question Francis as a person and a director. I know, Godfather and Godfather pt. II are amazing, but part III kind of sucks mainly because Francis put his daughter, Talia Shire, in a prominent role. Apocalypse Now, a favorite of mine, almost was D.O.A. (as shown in the excellent documentary Hearts of Darkness). More importantly, when the movie came out, Coppola said, "This movie isn't about Vietnam - It is Vietnam." That's super douchey.

And this brings me to my great point: On the global scale of narcissistic douchebags, Francis Ford Copolla ranks pretty high. He's below George Lucas, as evidenced by George's decision to alter  the original Star Wars films. However, Coppola ranks above Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino (wearing Ed Hardy regularly shoots you up the narcissistic douchebag ranking) simply because he is so smug about it (the man made his own winery just to create a desert wine for his daughter's wedding for Pete's sake). One look at his new film Twixt, starring resident mother-seal Val Kilmer (what happened man?), in which there are supposedly many different versions of the film shot so that each screening can be a little different, shows that his pomposity knows no bounds. Ridiculous.

Rumble Fish cost over 20 million to make but only grossed 2 million dollars. My guess is that Francis Ford Coppola doesn't give a shit. In fact, he considers Rumble Fish  to be in his top 5 favorite films he's ever made. Interesting.


However, the point of this blog is to talk about Nicolas Cage. Supposedly his work on this film got him the role in Valley Girl. However, his performance, like the rest of this film, is instantly forgettable. He has one good scene, but not worth going into detail here.

That being said, one thing to note is that of all the actors in Rumble Fish, and there are many, Nic Cage is the most famous, most critically acclaimed, and has been in the most roles (minus Dennis Hopper). The cast includes Matt Dillon, Mickey Rourke, Lawrence Fishburne, Chris Penn (R.I.P.) and Diane Lane. Nic Cage wins out over all of them.

One other aside: young Diane Lane is SUPER HOT. If you think she looks good now in her 40s, watch her now.


In the end, I would never recommend this film to anyone. Maybe I just didn't get it, but it was super boring and Nic Cage didn't do much.

Next up, Nic's first star vehicle, Valley Girl.

Review: Nic Cage's first role! The Best of Times

What happens when you mix Saved by the Bell with Glee but make it in 1981? It’s The Best of Times!

So, let me give you guys a quick background on this. This is a pilot for a show called The Best of Times, Nic Cage’s (at the time Nicolas Copolla) first role. Here’s the synopsis from IMDB:

"This ABC pilot starred 7 teenagers in a (sic) 80's style Laugh-In. It told the light and dark side of teenage thoughts with dancing and singing added in for color. It would have done wee (sic) in a Saturday morning slot (think saved by the bell), But, alas, it was put up with the big guys and was swallowed up before it even had a chance. Bummer!"

Grammatical errors aside, thanks anonymous IMDB updater, that description is not super helpful. First off, and my age is going to show here, I’ve never seen Laugh-In, so that isn’t going to help describe the show. Saved by the Bell is a much closer description, but this show aired in prime time.

Thankfully, the entire pilot episode is on Youtube. I present it to you here:

Let me break it down as succinctly as I can: It is a show about a group of eight “diverse” teenage friends (where “diverse” means not one but TWO nerdy white guys and a chunky white girl, plus a fourteen-year old girl who looks 5’10” and wants to play guitar in a rock band) living somewhere in California by the looks of the beach (but our main character wears the ugliest sweater over his shoulders for most of the episode). While the show does have an overall story and plot, the episode ends with the school dance, the show is broken down into many little scenes and snippets that don’t always connect with one another and, for the most part, aren’t all that funny.

Also, everyone bursts out into song and dance.

You heard me, they sing for no real reason whatsoever.

As I sort of hinted above, the writing is pretty lazy (each characters’ name is the actor’s name). Why did I watch this? Because it was the starting roles for both Nicolas Cage playing Nicolas AND Crispin Glover playing, you guessed it, Crispin. (A small aside: Who the hell names their kid Crispin?)

Now, the best way I can describe it is Saved by the Bell crossed with Glee. One major difference between Best of Times and Glee is that, despite your opinions of the latter show, the singers on Glee actually have some modicum of talent. Trust me, if there was singing talent in the cast of Best of Times, the producers incorrectly decided to hide it for the second episode. Additionally, while there is at least some justification for why the students of Glee would spontaneously burst out into song, I can’t seem to figure out the rhyme or reason in Best of Times. In fact, their first “song” comes so abruptly, it really makes you wonder why this show was made in the first place. However, it does give us a shot of Nic Cage doing something creepy:

Why was this show like Saved by the Bell? Well, Crispin frequently speaks directly to the camera and the audience. He’s our 1981 version of Zack Morris if you will. However, Crispin is not the only character to speak directly to the camera. Jill, the slightly tomboyish, however clearly the “attractive” girl, gets a little one on one time with the audience, but it is Nic Cage’s scene about three quarters of the way through the episode that is critical.

Let’s talk about Nic’s performance for a second, shall we? Nic is supposedly Crispin’s best friend. (“Do you know why?” Crispin asks. “Would you tell him he wasn’t your best friend?” Well played sir, well played.) There is not a single scene in the entire episode where Nic and Crispin hang out. We get introduced to Nic like so:

Simply put, I was super impressed with how jacked Nic was for this role. Half of the show he is shirtless. In every scene he is wearing some form of denim, whether it be some nice cut-offs – perhaps he is a Nevernude, there are dozens of them – or overalls for the carwash dance scene. Luckily, I have saved it for posterity:

All in all, Nic is really a precursor to A.C. Slater. The jock of the group, Nic, like A.C., is a little rude to his nerdy friends, but the mocking and browbeating is out of love. Additionally, Nic uses his body to try to get the ladies (he is clearly the only person on the show, like A.C., who gets any sort of tail). Most importantly, it looks as if Mario Lopez stole most of his dance moves from Nic Cage. This short shot at the Dance shows that Nic knows how to break it down:

That all being said, for most of the episode, Nic is a total jerk, a little creepy, and really one of the more uninteresting characters on the show and his performance is nothing special. In fact, if I were to tell you that one character on the show would become an international celebrity, Nic would have probably been guess number four or five. However, his scene on the beach really steals the show. Fast forward to 45 seconds into this clip to see what I’m talking about:

As I said above, this scene happens about three quarters of the way into the show. Up to this point, the show was pretty stupid, somewhat pointless, and had a very “Saturday-morning special” feel to it. In fact, up to this point, I couldn’t understand why this show was put in prime time and what the message of the show was. In this scene, we get why this show exists. 1981 is a super scary time to be a teenager: There are more responsibilities than ever AND nobody understands them or their music. PLUS there’s a chance each of hem could be drafted and enter a war in El Salvador! I guess it really isn’t the “best of times.”

Nic Cage acts the hell out this scene. It’s still has an “after school special” feel about it, but it grounds all the silliness of the rest of the show. Additionally, it seriously humanizes the Nic character. (One more similarity between Nic and A.C., their dads are both military men). It is the longest single shot in the entire episode and it carries the most weight. It seems the producers knew what they had on their hands: a serious acting prodigy.

So, what did I learn from watching Best of Times? Nic Cage was a little creepy and crazy from the get go, but it is clear that he could turn it down and act with gravitas.

All in all, I pretty (unintentionally) hilarious show. I’d recommend it tentatively to everyone only because it is only 48 minutes and some of the moments of the show are so awkward and unfunny they become really funny. 1981, I guess, really were the best of times.

A Change of Plans

So, after further consideration, and the fact that it is on Youtube and the first 5 minutes look amazing, I will be watching Best of Times. 17-year old Nicolas Cage? How could I say no?

Additionally, when I get back to watching feature films, I will watch them slightly out of IMDB’s order. Rumble Fish, Francis Ford Coppola’s film where he gave his nephew Nicolas a minor role, was actually filmed before Valley Girl and Nic’s work in Rumble Fish led to him getting the lead role in Valley Girl. I guess nepotism was still alive in Hollywood.

Anyways, tomorrow I will definitely watch Best of Times and, if I have time, jump into Rumble Fish.

These are the key films. Was Nicolas Cage born crazy? Or did he somehow evolve into the crazed “auteur” he ahs become today?

Let’s find out… 

Review: Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Here we go, the first review...

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (released August 13th, 1982)

Fast Times is somewhat of a cop out to start the blog with. First, Nic Cage doesn't have a speaking role in this film (he is simply "Brad's Bud"). Second, he isn't even Nicolas Cage yet. He is credited as Nicolas Coppola. (This fact is important to remember. Nicolas Cage is Francis Ford Coppola's nephew. In fact, after Fast Times he changed his name, an indication that he knew he was onto bigger and better things, something I will look for when I watch Valley Girl, his first star turn a year later.)

Now, I know some of you Nic Cage purists out there will say, "This is Nicolas Cage's first movie! It was his excellent supporting role in the 1981 TV show Best of Times." If you know this exists, you are a loser; however the entire thing is on Youtube. It also stars a young Crispin Glover in the role of "Crispin." I shit you not. Perhaps another day I will watch this, but for now, on to Fast Times.

I'm a big movie guy, so I'm a little embarrassed to admit this was my first time seeing Fast Times. As a film, it TOTALLY stands up. 80s movies are hard to critique sometimes because we can only look at them through the lens of "Wow, look at their outfits!" or "Ha! Look at the how technologically backwards they are." Fast Times may be the most self aware 80s movie ever made. Two main characters, Stacey and Linda, talk about how three of their schoolmates have adopted the "Pat Benatar" look with some degree of mockery and scorn. The opening and closing scenes of the movie are at, you guessed it, the mall. None of this is overtly rubbed into the nose of the audience, it is just there.

At the same time, while there are some very funny parts of this film, looking at it now, Fast Times is a pretty bleak look at high school and really is, in fact, a drama. Think about this, only one member of the group of kids makes it to college, Linda, and she ends up dating her professor (some great life choices there). Both Brad and Mark end up working at convenience stores after high school. Things are nice for Rat because he is now with Stacey (but they haven't boned yet)  but it is curiously called a "love affair." Strange . However, and big SPOILERS coming for those who haven't seen the film, is what happens to Stacy during this movie supposed to be funny? First off, she basically gets statutory raped by some random dude TO LOSE HER VIRGINITY! Then, her second encounter with a guy (Mark) lasts ten seconds and she ends up getting pregnant! Were condoms not invented in 1982? Tragedy.

Anyways, let me get to what this blog is about, Nicolas Cage. Once again, this isn't really a fair way to start this blog. All told, Cage gets maybe 7 seconds of screen time in the entire film. According to IMDB, Cage was in line to play the role of Brad, eventually going to Judge Reinhold (where has he gone? by the way), but lost out on the part. This was for two reasons. 1) He lied about his age. He was only 17 at the time and could not work long enough hours based on his age to be a leading role. And 2) after his audition the studio thought his performance was "too dark." If #2 is actually true, Nicolas Cage is my hero. It only excites me more for this project and for Valley Girl.

All in all, Fast Times was a great film. I am very curious to see where Nic goes...

What is this?

This is a blog about the career of Nicolas Cage.

I am a huge Nicolas Cage defender. I maintain that he is the hardest working man in Hollywood. A little fun fact for you guys: Nic Cage has starred in (and I mean was the leading actor in) at least one movie every year since 1983 except in 1985. His filmography, courtesy of IMDB, lists 59 feature films currently out with 6 more in production. That's almost a 30 year career in the business of show and it is still going strong.

However, Nicolas Cage has been ridiculed as of late for his financial woes and his choices of roles. For example, check out this clip from College Humor:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eExfV_xKaiM&feature=fvwrel

Hilarious, I know. But what happened to this guy?

As I said at the beginning, I am a HUGE Nicolas Cage fan. Face/Off is one of my favorite movies and I think City of Angels is one of the unintentionally funniest movies ever made, but these both come during the pinnacle of his popularity. In this blog I will watch, in chronological order, every Nicolas Cage feature film ever made and chart his progress from teen heartthrob to serious actor to A-list movie star to Jerry Bruckheimer's favorite pawn. I will review each film and performance. Hopefully, I will finish this before before the insanity of this project drives me insane as well.

Anyways, enjoy the ride.