Review: Rumble Fish (1983), or "How douchey is Francis Ford Coppola?"

Here's my review of Rumble Fish. Let's just say in the nicest way possible that this movie sucked something awful.

First off, the trailer:

I wish I could give you a clear plot summary for this film, but, unfortunately things need to, like, happen for their to be a plot.

In a nutshell, Matt Dillion (what happened to him, by the way?) plays Rusty James, a teenage misanthrope leader of the local gang. A quick aside, if you were ever crazy enough to watch this movie and wanted to spice it up, play a drinking game where you drink every time someone calls him by his full name "Rusty James". If you make it 5 minutes, you are a tank. His brother, "The Motorcycle Kid," (yes, that is the only name given to him), returns to town and... uh... things happen, I guess?

It's shot almost exclusively in black-and-white, except for the Asian fighting fish in the local pet store that the Motorcycle Kid likes to watch swim (the titular "Rumble Fish") and one other shot in the film. There's a lot of work with shadows and wind and other effects. One thing to notice is that there is a clock somewhere in every scene of this movie. All in all, it has a very film festival feel to it.

And it totally sucked.

Francis Ford Coppola, our intrepid director for this putrid production, called it "an art house movie for teenagers." First off, that's bullshit. Pulp Fiction, or really any Quentin Tarantino movie, would fit that bill. Additionally, as bad as it is, Zach Snyder's recent Sucker Punch comes much closer to that description. (I know, I'll get some flack for that comment. In fact, I saw Sucker Punch in theaters and, say what you will about it, I had more conversations about that film than any other this year). Black and white, no plot, boring one-dimensional characters and a lot of shots of shadows aren't what kids these days, or in 1983, thought was interesting.

In fact, it makes me really question Francis as a person and a director. I know, Godfather and Godfather pt. II are amazing, but part III kind of sucks mainly because Francis put his daughter, Talia Shire, in a prominent role. Apocalypse Now, a favorite of mine, almost was D.O.A. (as shown in the excellent documentary Hearts of Darkness). More importantly, when the movie came out, Coppola said, "This movie isn't about Vietnam - It is Vietnam." That's super douchey.

And this brings me to my great point: On the global scale of narcissistic douchebags, Francis Ford Copolla ranks pretty high. He's below George Lucas, as evidenced by George's decision to alter  the original Star Wars films. However, Coppola ranks above Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino (wearing Ed Hardy regularly shoots you up the narcissistic douchebag ranking) simply because he is so smug about it (the man made his own winery just to create a desert wine for his daughter's wedding for Pete's sake). One look at his new film Twixt, starring resident mother-seal Val Kilmer (what happened man?), in which there are supposedly many different versions of the film shot so that each screening can be a little different, shows that his pomposity knows no bounds. Ridiculous.

Rumble Fish cost over 20 million to make but only grossed 2 million dollars. My guess is that Francis Ford Coppola doesn't give a shit. In fact, he considers Rumble Fish  to be in his top 5 favorite films he's ever made. Interesting.


However, the point of this blog is to talk about Nicolas Cage. Supposedly his work on this film got him the role in Valley Girl. However, his performance, like the rest of this film, is instantly forgettable. He has one good scene, but not worth going into detail here.

That being said, one thing to note is that of all the actors in Rumble Fish, and there are many, Nic Cage is the most famous, most critically acclaimed, and has been in the most roles (minus Dennis Hopper). The cast includes Matt Dillon, Mickey Rourke, Lawrence Fishburne, Chris Penn (R.I.P.) and Diane Lane. Nic Cage wins out over all of them.

One other aside: young Diane Lane is SUPER HOT. If you think she looks good now in her 40s, watch her now.


In the end, I would never recommend this film to anyone. Maybe I just didn't get it, but it was super boring and Nic Cage didn't do much.

Next up, Nic's first star vehicle, Valley Girl.

Review: Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Here we go, the first review...

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (released August 13th, 1982)

Fast Times is somewhat of a cop out to start the blog with. First, Nic Cage doesn't have a speaking role in this film (he is simply "Brad's Bud"). Second, he isn't even Nicolas Cage yet. He is credited as Nicolas Coppola. (This fact is important to remember. Nicolas Cage is Francis Ford Coppola's nephew. In fact, after Fast Times he changed his name, an indication that he knew he was onto bigger and better things, something I will look for when I watch Valley Girl, his first star turn a year later.)

Now, I know some of you Nic Cage purists out there will say, "This is Nicolas Cage's first movie! It was his excellent supporting role in the 1981 TV show Best of Times." If you know this exists, you are a loser; however the entire thing is on Youtube. It also stars a young Crispin Glover in the role of "Crispin." I shit you not. Perhaps another day I will watch this, but for now, on to Fast Times.

I'm a big movie guy, so I'm a little embarrassed to admit this was my first time seeing Fast Times. As a film, it TOTALLY stands up. 80s movies are hard to critique sometimes because we can only look at them through the lens of "Wow, look at their outfits!" or "Ha! Look at the how technologically backwards they are." Fast Times may be the most self aware 80s movie ever made. Two main characters, Stacey and Linda, talk about how three of their schoolmates have adopted the "Pat Benatar" look with some degree of mockery and scorn. The opening and closing scenes of the movie are at, you guessed it, the mall. None of this is overtly rubbed into the nose of the audience, it is just there.

At the same time, while there are some very funny parts of this film, looking at it now, Fast Times is a pretty bleak look at high school and really is, in fact, a drama. Think about this, only one member of the group of kids makes it to college, Linda, and she ends up dating her professor (some great life choices there). Both Brad and Mark end up working at convenience stores after high school. Things are nice for Rat because he is now with Stacey (but they haven't boned yet)  but it is curiously called a "love affair." Strange . However, and big SPOILERS coming for those who haven't seen the film, is what happens to Stacy during this movie supposed to be funny? First off, she basically gets statutory raped by some random dude TO LOSE HER VIRGINITY! Then, her second encounter with a guy (Mark) lasts ten seconds and she ends up getting pregnant! Were condoms not invented in 1982? Tragedy.

Anyways, let me get to what this blog is about, Nicolas Cage. Once again, this isn't really a fair way to start this blog. All told, Cage gets maybe 7 seconds of screen time in the entire film. According to IMDB, Cage was in line to play the role of Brad, eventually going to Judge Reinhold (where has he gone? by the way), but lost out on the part. This was for two reasons. 1) He lied about his age. He was only 17 at the time and could not work long enough hours based on his age to be a leading role. And 2) after his audition the studio thought his performance was "too dark." If #2 is actually true, Nicolas Cage is my hero. It only excites me more for this project and for Valley Girl.

All in all, Fast Times was a great film. I am very curious to see where Nic goes...